Ever since Colton's "near death" experience in July I have had this fear that he was going to die. I've had the fear before, especially with the first where you wake up and check on them. I think the fear used to be more about, it's something new is it still going to be here in the morning and less about, PLEASE let him be breathing, PLEASE don't let him be hurting again.
We have decided it is time for him to sleep in his crib, in his own room. I actually wake up in a panic and run in to touch him and wait for him to move ALOT to prove to me that he is not dead. Sometimes I will poke him 10 times before I get an adequate amount of movement from him. I don't know how to let go of this anxiety. I cannot convince myself that he is fine. What if he's not? Losing him would be TRAGIC! This fear is only aimed at him. I totally feel like the other 3 boys will be fine. That no harm will come to them. Colton is different though. What to do with the pit in my stomach? How do I at least help the fear subside?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Anxiety... UGH!
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3 comments:
I have the very same problem with Kayden... I go and check on him a million times because I am so scared of losing another baby, or anything happening to him. I really don't know how to get over it either??? I just wanted you to know you are not the only one:) It would be nice not to have that worry all the time so if you find out let me know!! GOOD luck♥
I don't think that fear ever really goes away. When I had my first and I told my mom how I'm always terrified I'm going to wake up and he'll be dead (SIDS) or something of the like, she said that feeling never goes away. It may shift in general (driving drunk, etc.) depending upon their age, but it's something that is normal and comes along with being a mom. Your fears will probably subside with time, but you'll always worry about something happening to your children (it's a survival thing, I'm sure).
It's definitely scary just having a baby....let alone all you went through with him! I bend down and listen to make sure Branston is breathing every night before I go to sleep. Even when he's napping. I think it's totally normal, even more so because of the scary experience you had with him!
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