Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Photo Session

So I was trying to take pictures to make some sort of card for a couple of nurses that I really appreciated and a couple of AMAZING Docs. Of course... If I'm taking pics of Colton, I've got to take pics of my Dom and his oh-so-cute smile!! Love my sweet little guys. Still thinking about killing the older ones! >:o[ I swear they are evil!


Aren't they a cute duo? Dom insisted on holding Colton. Love the two of them together. They are both so mild mannered! How did the older two get so Evil?!?!!?


Colton just chillin'! Unlike his evil brothers!

Little crooked smile! So cute... not EVIL like Damon and Jaydin!!

Ugh!! Can you tell I'm super fed up with the two older kids? I would love to give them away... any takers?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Finally a break?

So the stent placement seemed to be successful for my dad. For now... he is doing well. Colton has also made a complete recovery. Still don't know what started it all but I'm so grateful that for now... things are normal. I also found out officially that my boys have insurance... so Coltons hospital stay will be covered by CHIP. We will end up paying only a couple thousand which is amazing in comparison to how much it will all cost! (I'll def. keep you all updated on the grand total. For now I only have $10,000 in bills for LIFEFLIGHT and the American Fork Emergency Room, I've yet to see my Primary Children's Hospital bill!)

Lately I'm feeling slightly homicidal as Damon tries to push me over the edge. Not sure what to do with that kid but I need to figure it out before he becomes a teen ager! UGH!!

Life otherwise feels fairly normal.

Hope everyone is feeling normal as well!
LOVE ME!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Heart Attack

No.... Really...

My dad had a heart attack today. 3 of the 5 bypasses they did during his open heart surgery collapsed. They want to try and bypass the bypasses and put stents in the original arteries they chose to bypass. If that doesn't work.. they open him up AGAIN and bypass the bypassed bypass.

UGH!!! When it rains it pours.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Home at last!

We are home! WE came home last night with him and slept beautifully. It is so nice to have our baby home... loved Primary Children's Hospital... hope we never have to go back!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

And so it goes!

So graduation from PICU becomes graduation from stabilizing to finding out why this happened. The pediatricians in the Infant Unit have called in a pulmonologist and a hematologist. Pulmonology came yesterday and ordered a million labs and hematology should come today. Basically pulmonogy ran tests for things that are very rare... so far... no answers.

On the bright side!
Colton is back to nursing beautifully. He never had to use a bottle. They removed the feeding tube yesterday. He is currently on room air... NO OXYGEN!! Really truly... they want to try an antibiotic given orally and if he tolerates it, they will take out the I.V. . This will be the removal of his VERY LAST LINE!!! We can't wait. The Dr.'s said that if he continues to stay the way he is that he will go home later on today or tomorrow. It kind of depends on the when the hematologist comes but I'm guessing it will be tomorrow. I would love to get home with him before the boys get home from camping.

I just can't wait to get out of here. Don't get me wrong.. this is an amazing hospital with amazing staff... I just wouldn't wish a child sick enough to be here on anyone. This has been the most trying experience of my life. There were times when he was on the vent that I would look at him and wonder what on earth I would do if he didn't make it. How could anyone turn off life support? How could I live without my little guy? I am SO incredibly grateful that he has done so wonderful. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers... and thank God for competent nurses and Dr.'s.

I would post pics of how handsome he currently is but for whatever reason, my memory card is being retarded!!! As soon as I can post them I will!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Graduation

Today we graduated to a new room on the pediatric floor! (GOODBYE ICU!) We are so excited! I'll post more after we find out what the care plan is!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

no more tubes...!!!!!!!








We spent the whole day hoping that Colton would be extubated. During a.m. rounds the attending mentioned the possibility of extubation today but wanted to get more fluid off of him first. I was okay with the plan as he had a couple of spontaneous trials to do and pass before extubation. Unfortunately the nurse and respiratory therapist we had today were far from proactive. The day passed and it looked as though he would not be extubated because the nurse didn't follow through with the things she was told to do and the respiratory therapist had an excuse every time he was called as to why he couldn't do it then!!! When we got back after report (8:00 p.m.) we walked in to a very frustrated little guy. The sedation was completely weaned earlier in the day and now the tube was really irritating him. He was coughing and gagging. The nurse went to find the resident and see if he wanted her to intibate or sedate. Something had to be done. The resident told her to intibate. I saw her at the med cart getting meds and I knew what he had decided to do. I couldn't help it and started to cry. I just didn't want to spend tomorrow waiting for some nurse to get her shit together so he could finally be extubated. I couldn't hide my frustration and the nurse (who has come to know me well) could see I was frustrated and I just told her that we spent the whole day wasting time, that he had done everything they wanted him to do, and that I was nervous that the next day would pass like today. The attending physician came over and the nurse told her what was up. She asked a few questions about labs and output and said, "let's do it!" He has been extubated for several hours now and has been doing AMAZING!! Here are some pics of me holding him. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!



Grrr... I deleted the cute pic.. I'll post it tomorrow.. I'm really exhausted. Here is a pic Darin likes.... look at Colton, not my ugly mug... Could that be a smile?

I see you!!



Here is a little video of Colton's little eyes! It's been a few days since we saw those little peepers so even if you can't see them... we are AMAZED!! When this bizarre thing first started he got so sick so fast! I was afraid I would never get my little guy back! It's fun to see him moving and showing signs of being a really STONED perfectly normal little guy. If all goes well (which it TOTALLY has been) he will be extubated today and I will be able to hold him! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! :)




When the nurse repositioned him, he decided to cross his legs at the ankles. We thought it was the cutest thing so she left him in that position. He slept like this for a while! :)

Just a few more little movements! :) We spent most of yesterday staring at him and delighting in this little toe and finger wiggled.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Pics from this A.M.

So I took some pics this a.m. and wanted to share! He is truly looking much better and is coughing and moving around. I will try to get some video of it and put it on here later. For now, here are some pics. For those of you who have been up here to see him, I'm sure you will notice the dramatic improvement. For those who haven't... even though these pics may look a little scary, he looks AMAZING!!!



I really love this pic! Notice the tube mustache he is sporting these days! One goes into his small intestine to feed him (NJ) and one goes into his stomach to drain excess acids in order to avoid aspiration.


I took this pic because I love that the chest tube is IN HIS HAND!! It just looks like he's ready to yank it out. It will come out today or tomorrow. YAY!



Friday

The rest of last night was not too shabby. I actually learned to like the nurse and she learned that Colton is a different kind of amazing. She stopped with the negative and we had a good time joking with each other. So... I didn't fire her.

I slept for about 3 hours last night and when I woke up I found that Colton had not changed much during the night. No progression, no digression and I prepped my self for a plateau. I know that I can't expect that he is going to keep getting better so quickly. What I didn't realize was that he had different plans. I swear to you he decided to take a break last night and start rockin and rollin as soon as the sun came up! He started controlling his BPS on his own and they started tube feedings today! (And they promise to only give him my breast milk!) They were able to wean the settings on the oscillator down and HIP HIP HOORAY he went from the oscillator to a conventional vent around 8:30 p.m.. His labs are stable and he is tolerating the vent beautifully. He also has made some small movement in his feet and occasionally coughs, gets hiccups or even takes breaths. The respiratory therapist said that at the rate he is going (provided he continues on the same rate) he may be extubated TOMORROW!!! I really hope that if not tomorrow than Sunday! Sunday is my birthday... what could be a better gift then to get him out of the ICU and on to the newborn med/surg floor?!?! Well... extubation would be AWESOME as well! Extubation means I can hold my baby!!!

This morning in the shower I was thinking of songs that were supposed to be happy... I was sort of singing "You are my sunshine" to myself when I sang the second verse and my heart hurt.
The other night dear, as i lay sleeping, I dreamt I held you in my arms. But when I woke dear, I was mistaken and I hung my head and cried.

I can't wait to hold my baby in my arms.

Thanks for all your love and even your prayers!

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Thursday at PCH

Today we had one of the nurses Colton had yesterday. The Dr.'s wrote very proactive orders. Unfortunately the nurses are really busy chatting and don't seem to get around to being as proactive as the Dr.'s have requested. Irritating? HECK YES!!! Colton should have a feeding tube by now! He might even be on a conventional ventilator. Instead he is staying the same... because no one has gotten around to doing anything about his AMAZING lab values!

His night shift nurse was really irritating when she first came on shift. She seemed to feel the need to repeatedly remind us just how sick he is. She also thinks that repeating over and over that he will be here "FOR WEEKS" is somehow beneficial to our psyche.. NOT SO MUCH!!! We do understand that he is sick but seriously... he can hear her! We don't want him to know! ;o)
Really.. we just want to rejoice in every little step. We are realistic about how long he will be here and we really don't need anyone to kill our buzz! The night nurse also seemed SCARED of him when she got here... describing him as "unstable" and refusing to even move him inches without the respiratory therapist holding her hand. She has turned out to be fairly nice but definitely OCD in an annoying sort of way. She also told me that "on night shift they try not to make any changes because they don't have the hands [number of staff] to fix things." She than proceeded to point out that it's a holiday and lots of traumas will be coming in and with the weekend coming ..... blah blah blah. I'm just thinking "seriously lady... did you just say that if we wanted proactive care we should have come NEXT WEEK?!?!?! " So she is definitely not my favorite person and unfortunately she will be back tomorrow. If she doesn't get proactive I'll fire her! (Well.. not on this shift but I will tell the charge nurse on days that we do not want her taking care of our baby!)

The moral of the story. Colton is still in "critical" condition. He has made amazing improvement in the last 24 hours. And contrary to Bad Vibes Betty's beliefs... he is getting better. Well nurse Betty... I'll take slowly but surely over NEVER anyday!

Colton


I took this pic on Tuesday like 3 hours before everything went crazy......


So... Colton is at Primary Children's Hospital. Something happened on Tuesday although no one is sure of what that something is. I was at my mom's house and trying to clean up after my lunch mess. I put Colton down on my mom's bed so I could sweep and heard him fussing 20 minutes later. Dominic had just been in the room so I hurried into check on him and his face was turned sideways and buried into a blanket. I picked him up and saw that his lips were a little purple... I was nervous but he was crying and breathing and I just decided to watch him, assuming that he was going to perk up quickly. This was not the case. Over the course of about 20 minutes he went from crying and breathing funny to being completely asleep and limp. He continued to breath but it was very labored. Vicki stopped by as I was starting to panic and I called Darin who came right over to look at him. As soon as Darin got to my mom's he told me that something was definitely wrong and we needed to get him to a Dr. I called 911 because I didn't want to put him in the carseat and have something bad happen on the way to the ER. The ambulance came and did not seem overly concerned but thought we ought to transfer him just to make sure everything was okay.

When we arrived at the hospital they were waiting for us! (THIS IS DEFINITELY A BONUS TO COMING VIA AMBULANCE!) The Dr. assessed him and ordered a Chest x-ray. When the x-ray came back it was clear that some fluid was in his lungs. The Dr. assumed this was due to aspiration and told us that it was very serious and that the baby had to go to Primary Children's Hospital via helicopter. At the time he was still working hard to breath but he was successful and his oxygen Saturation was good. We thought the Dr. was being very extreme by insisting that he fly but since we are poor and have no insurance we figured it was just another bill we will never pay. Our biggest concern was when the Dr. suggested that they would intubate him! (This is when they stick a tube down their throat into the trachea, then they "breath" for him with a bag.) The assumption was that he would have to be on a ventilator.

So for everyone who knows me you know that I HATE HOSPITALS!! The number one reason we had Colton at home is because I hate how hospitals do whatever they want, whenever they want to your baby; without any explanation or even permission! The ER at American Fork Hospital proved to be my greatest fear in that regard. So when they said they were life flighting him and that the helicopter wouldn't arrive at AFH for 30 minutes, we decided that Darin would head over there so that he could be there when Colton arrived. The idea was that we would know what was going on with him and that they wouldn't be doing anything to him that we weren't aware of.

When the life flight arrived they decided that they should intubate before they took him up in the air, which turned out to be a 45 minute process. They had a really hard time intubating and it took 2 separate dramatic attempts to get the tube down. They also attempted to put a tube down his throat to empty excess gases from the bag but couldn't get it down there so went through his nose first. After another chest x-ray they determined the tube for intubation was too far in and pulled it out a cm. It was at this time that they noticed there was blood in his mouth.

The life flight story is a mystery to us as we were not permitted to fly with our little guy. Darin did arrive long before Colton but was not even notified when he got here. They took Colton through a back door and told Darin someone would let him know when he got there. What we do know about the flight is that right about the time they were landing they realized that a blood clot had clotted off the breathing tube. They opted to rush him into the PICU and re-intubate there. The first chest x-ray they took when he arrived was COMPLETELY different from the one at the other hospital. His entire lung cavity was FULL of blood. They told us that he was almost dead when he first got there although he NEVER stopped breathing. They gave him some blood (even though he didn't need it and they had no permission to do so). They also got him on a ventilator. When I got to the hospital I threw the shit at the fan! Darin had found out that Colton was indeed there because I insisted that HE HAD TO HAVE BEEN THERE BY NOW! They told him that he had been there for 20-30 minutes but that he was having a hard time and they didn't want the parents in the way. HELLO HE'S OUR BABY NOT YOURS!!!!! Anyway... I got to the hospital and threw a FIT!! It worked! The nurse and Dr. came out to talk to us within seconds and within 5 minutes we were in the room with our little guy.

They had started an IV in his head. This was his second IV, one was started in his hand at the ER. He was on the vent and they proceded to tell us just how sick he is. They decided that the bleeding in his lungs was possibly due to a hemorrhagic disease (problems clotting) although he shows no other sign of bleeding anywhere else. (As the days have passed they seem to be bagging this idea. ) Tuesday night was rough! The vent he was on was just not doing the trick. It was requiring a dangerous amount of pressure to keep up his oxygenation and his ventilation was critical. (Basically he wasn't getting rid of the carbon dioxide his body was making.) They found that he had a Pleural effusion (fluid/air in the space between the chest wall and the lungs) so they placed a chest tube. When they placed it, the shift in pressure in the lung caused a pneumothorax. They also decided to place a central line which was a game of "grind it till you find it!" They struggled to get the needle in the artery in order to place it but it finally got done. It also became necessary to switch him to an Oscillator for ventilation. The normal vent breaths for the patient. They put it on 20 or 40 and that's how many times a minute it forces the patient to breath. The oscillator is completely different. It forces "breathing" 540 times a minute (basically it vibrates his lungs!) keeping the lungs open all the time. In Colton's case it forces the blood to the side of the lungs and the lung absorbs the blood. So he has been on the oscillator and it has done some amazing things for him. We have found that it also means that he is sicker than we would like to admit. But either way it is working and he is improving. Everything lab wise and x-ray wise looks awesome. They've tested him for several diseases that have all come back negative. Now our goal is to let his lungs heal. Only time will tell how long it will be. For now he is still on the oscillator. Once he comes off the oscillator he will go back to a conventional ventilator before he is finally extubated. After extubation he will go to a med/surg floor. All of these things will generally happen in that order but there is no set amount of time that he has to be doing any given step. It's all up to how well he tolerates each step. Right now we are guessing he has a couple more weeks here.


So... the hardest stuff for me:

As long as he is on the oscillator they have to give him a paralytic (so he is paralyzed...) this means that he will not look any better than the lovely pic below until he is off the vent. Once he gets back to a conventional vent he has to AT LEAST be heavily sedated even if they are able to wean him off the paralytic. Basically he will look the same until he's extubated. We look to the labs and x-rays to feel like he is progressing since he still looks like crap!!!


Also.. we can't hold him until he is extubated. NOT FUN!! We just stand by his crib and stare at him, rub his feet, and talk to him. We haven't heard him cry since Tuesday.


Good things!!

The biggest concern long term from this diagnosis and treatment pattern is permanent loss of lung capacity. We are talking a very minor thing. Like oh darn I can't run that marathon cause I was on a vent when I was an infant.

They have done a CT of his head which was normal. They've also done an EEG to test for brain activity and it was normal. They do not worry about brain damage at all. He should be the same little boy when this is all over.

He had an echo of his heart and it is BEAUTIFUL!!!

His labs are awesome!

His chest x-ray went from absolutely horrifying to NORMAL in 22 hours!!

His ventilation labs are NORMAL!!

He is tolerating weaning of the Oscillator incredibly well.


So for all you wondering souls. This is what he looks like right this second and what he will look like until extubation.



It's kind of like a nightmare. One minute he's perfectly normal and 20 minutes later he is fighting for life. It comes on so suddenly but takes weeks to resolve. It's also hard to be this capable adult and be able to do NOTHING for him. He looks so helpless but he is fighting really hard and we couldn't ask for anything more than that!