Today, some light shone through on our poor little family. I got out of bed this morning even though I didn't want to and went to the school to do some volunteering. I even voted. I had a major melt down in the afternoon and right in the middle of the trauma, this girl from church called and asked if she could bring us dinner. (It was good too!)
I have been stressing over Darin finding a job with a company that has PROVEN that they care about their employees. Darin is always good to his employers so the "if your good to me I'll be good to you" attitude is really all he needs. Although finding someone who is good regardless is hard to find. So I cried a lot and told Darin how I felt about everything and he let me write a list of questions and took them to the company who is trying to hire him. He came home ecstatic. Life is good.
Lately I've been feeling more and more jipped by the miscarriage. Like tomorrow I will be 11 weeks, except I won't be, because I'm not pregnant. It's just so weird adjusting to not being pregnant anymore when you don't have a baby to show for it. I know it will get easier to deal with and have finally come to terms with the fact that I will never forget this. In the beginning I sort of wanted to chalk it up to bad luck and move on, except I can't because I wanted that baby so bad, and now I won't ever hold it. Damon started crying last night, kind of out of nowhere because "it was his brother or sister that died" and that isn't something I can ignore.
Life is full of challenges. I usually find a way to overcome them. I think with this one I just need to find a way to be okay with it.... but I will, hopefully soon! Thanks for all your kind thoughts. I know that you all hurt when I hurt, and I'm sorry to pass the pain on to you, but it feels kind of good to share the load.
Tomorrow is another day, maybe I'll even feel like cleaning! (But probably not!)
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
When it rains, eventually, it stops pouring.
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2 comments:
Eventually the rain will stop pouring but I don't think it will ever go completely away, and I think that is ok. You shouldn't be able to just move past this without a second thought...I don't think anyone could...All you can do is one day at a time (wow that phrase is true but cliche). And when you come across good days, cheer and do something fun...and when the bad days hit just tell everyone to piss off and leave you alone (ok thats just what I do when I'm having a bad day)...Sometimes for me at least its hard to come to a full grip on my feelings when I'm surrounded by a bunch of people asking me how I am doing...Ya know what I mean??? I love you Karilynn! I'm here for you anytime.
I agree with tinderdaisy. You don't need to worry about feeling okay with it as soon as you can, or even when people think you should "be okay by now". Just do your thing and eventually things will get back to "normal", however long that takes you. I am not good at the advice thing, so take it for what it's worth. Just know that I love you and will help with anything you need.
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