My midwife.

So I have officially decided to part ways with my midwife. This is really hard for me because I really "like her" I'm just not comfortable with the situation. I am also a pansy and didn't want to talk to her on the phone because I was afraid she would guilt me into staying with her so I e-mailed her! I know that she is just not the right midwife for ME. I also know that she is perfect for some people. I guess I never realized the variety of Midwives... and she is on the complete opposite end of where I want to be! I am really looking for a very holistic, non-medical approach. So today I feel a little bit guilty... but mostly relieved!

Happy Anniversary!!

So today is our 8th wedding anniversary. Wow! It's amazing to think that it has been that long! Our story is quite interesting but let's just say... we didn't start off as the greatest couple. It took about a year for things to be okay and another year for things to be good! I can honestly say though that for the most part the last 6 years has been really good for us.

I love Darin more and more each day and he even laughs at my jokes! We both admit that we are very lucky to have gotten "stuck together" the way we did but to have really found soul mates in each other.


So Darin... I LOVE YOU!! Thanks for being an amazing husband, dad and friend. You're the best! ;o)

Birth my way?!?!?!

So... as some of you may or may not know... I'm planning a home birth for this little guy! That's right... I am going to push this little guy out in my own home. I'm going to sleep in my own bed after I have him and NO ONE is going to take him away from me to carry him off to the stupid nursery for tests and forget to bring him back!

I've had 2 babies without epidurals... I've never had an episiotomy or tear. My longest labor was 8 hours and that was with my first... subsequent births have been 4 and 3 hours. My biggest baby was a WHOPPING 6 lbs 8ozs and I love birth! I am very confident that I will birth at home... so here's my problem...

I hired this midwife and I am just not that sure about things. I like her on the phone. We have huge misunderstandings through e-mail, and when she is doing a pre-natal I feel like she is overly formal... IDK... I guess I want my midwife to feel like a really intelligent friend. Someone that you like enough to invite them to your birth because you have a special bond and they know how to help you with the things that you don't instinctually know how to do... like unwrap a nucal chord (around the neck) or deal with the placenta, birth certificate and cleaning up process. Anyway... we had this huge "issue" over money and now that it's all taken care of... I still don't feel comfortable with her. I have talked to another midwife and have arranged to meet her.... but I'm not sure if I'm just not going to be comfortable with anyone... or if my midwife is not right for me. What sucks about all of this is that midwives are business people and to her... it doesn't matter if she is uncomfortable with me, as long as she gets paid. (In my world as a Doula it is super important to not take on clients that you are not comfortable with or who you are not comfortable with because if your client doesn't trust you then your efforts will not be helpful!) I know that I should just find someone else but then I don't want to like hurt her feelings or PISS HER OFF.

Anyway.... does anyone have any feedback on this? I get that most people see their Dr. for like 2 hours the entire pregnancy and 5 minutes in the end... but this is not the route of care I have chosen... Also... if anyone has questions on homebirth... feel free to ask! I have lots and lots of answers!

Hope all is well!

Baby

So when I very first found out I was pregnant Cristina and Jessica were also pregnant... (very very pregnant) Dominic had already learned to point to their stomachs and say "BABY!" So it was an interesting transition to teach him to point to my stomach and say "baby" as well. When I thought I miscarried I had to change the word to "FAT!" when he pointed to my stomach, because I couldn't bare to have him point at my tummy and say "baby" when there was nothing there.

Well now we are back to saying "baby" but occasionally I will say the name that we like so I will say "Baby *Bronco* and Dom will sometimes say it! Well tonight the boys were playing the what words can you say game with him and I said Dom... say *Bronco*! He said the name and then he ripped the blanket off me to get to my tummy so he could point at it while he said *Bronco*. It was SOOO cute!!


* The name Bronco may or may not be the correct name but is definitely the name that we are telling others to freak them out and see their faces contort into unrecognizable shapes! The name that Dominic did say is the actual name that we will probably name our son but could possibly be Bronco.... BWAH HAHA!!!!!*

9 years...

Just wanted to be a little nostalgic today. 9 years ago my grandpa died of cancer at the age of 62. Wow! 9 years!

Boys gone wild!

So today I finally got the camera out because Dom decided to make a table out of the empty shelf on the bookshelf! Of course as soon as he sees the camera he has to start with the cheeseball stuff!! So fun!

So once the camera is out the other boys of course want to take it and play with it! These are some pics I found when I was showing Dom the pics of him tonight! My boys are CRAZY!!!

Jaydin passed his Taekwondo test today so he is officially a yellow belt! We are so excited for him. He practice a lot this morning and it paid off when he performed his form PERFECTLY!! Anyway... would like to update more but... Dom is freakin out!

Later!!

Emotional Release

So yesterday was Damon's appointment with the voodoo lady! ;o) It was actually quite interesting and she touched on a lot of things (through his energy) that definitely applied to him. He was very upfront with her. I hope that his teacher sees a major improvement. I am pretty sure it is a work in progress though. He does seem to be MUCH more compliant yesterday and this morning. He is such a cute kid. Anyway... wish I had more to write about it but my brain is somewhere far off today....

Bleck!

So today Damon's grade had their "mom's and muffins" paired reading thing. Damon brought me home the flyer yesterday and tore a hole in the middle. So I showed up at 9:45 as everyone was leaving. It started at 9:15 but I didn't realize because the hole in the middle had taken out the space between the 1 and the :, I thought that it had taken out part of a 4. I tried to call the school this morning but the line was busy so I just showed up when I thought it said. Anyway... I started crying! That's right! I walked in as all the other moms were leaving and just lost it. I hate to think that Damon was just sitting there all by himself while every other mom read with their kid. It seems to be the story of my life though. I just can't seem to be on top of everything. I was hoping I would feel better today. I think I feel worse!

Karilynn and the horrible terrible no-good very bad day!

So today I woke up feeling very emotionally exhausted. I keep thinking about the relationships that go on in my household. How the boys get a long with each other, how Darin and I communicate with them. How Dominic has this new fascination with screaming. I just want so many things in my life to be different. But I have no energy or motivation. This morning I was forced to once again be annoyed with the hormones associated with pregnancy. I feel awkward all the time. I get frustrated too easily. I am tired with headaches frequently. I get no sympathy. Darin is not one of those guys who will rush to the store if I have a craving.... in fact... he gets mad at me when I am unwilling to do that for him. He also gets annoyed if I don't want to rub his back for an hour. Never does he bother to rub mine. I'm just really emotionally tired today. I'm sick of feeling useless and I rarely feel anything even close to the emotion when I'm normal!! I'm glad this will be my last pregnancy. I just wish I could find someway to enjoy it!

This morning I got the boys to school in time, but I slipped on ice in the driveway and fell on my hip. I got home and tried to go back to sleep which I was eventually able to do but now that I'm awake there are a hundred things that I should have done. Things that will NOT get done if I don't do them. I guess I need to look at my house as more of a job, maybe then I wouldn't be so frustrated that I am the ONLY one in the house who is willing to do anything. Darin is willing to YELL AT THE BOYS to clean their room while I clean the rest of the house... but well... unless I specifically ask and he is in the right mood (which is never) yelling is the most "help" he is willing to offer. Lately with work... he's never in the right mood. It's just hard to be pregnant and have a husband on an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes I need sympathy. Or a shoulder to vent my exhaustion and frustration... but alas... I don't suppose such a person exists in my world.

Okay.. so this is titled as it is because I wanted everyone to figure I was in a crappy mood to begin with when I wrote it. Some days are just like this...."even in Australia."

The depths of the car....

So Damon's Taekwondo top has been MIA! I've scoured the house but to no avail. This morning... I finally broke down and cleaned out my car and what do you know? Besides an entire garbage bag of garbage, I found the taekwondo top and his belt! Now I need to get to the carwash place and vacuum out my car! Not the highlight of life... but it does make me happy to know that Damon and Jaydin will both be in full uniform tonight for Jaydin's first lesson in the big kid class! :o)

It's finally looking not so much like Christmas!

So life has been crazy and we haven't had time to tackle the Christmas decorations until today! Yesterday Darin cleaned out the entire garage (during my afternoon nap) and this morning he got up and started taking down all the Christmas stuff... (it was due!) . It's hard to figure out where to put furniture back and Darin found a bunch of pictures still in a box so he used them to fill in the now empty space. It looks quite nice in the living room. I think I love Christmas because the decorations really fill up the house.

Things are moving at a regular pace. It's been odd to have Darin home ALL weekend because in the passed couple of weekends he has been off doing snow removal. It's nice to get stuff done!

Darin started school last week! Here's hopin' it is his LAST semester! He's been at this for 4 years so we couldn't be more excited as the countdown approaches. Damon and Jaydin have been back to school since the 3rd and while Jaydin is thriving, Damon is learning that he isn't going to get away with the stuff he's been getting away with! (Like scribbling all over his papers and shoving them in his desk instead of actually doing them and turning them in!) Thursday I'm taking Damon to see a lady about an exorcism... uhhh... I mean.... "emotional release." We've just decided that he has some issues that need to be addressed so that he can become a motivated individual. He's only in 2nd grade and already doesn't want to do his work. Anyway... I'll be sure to update on the exorcism as we encounter it!

I am starting to feel much more on top of life recently. It's nice to feel organized and to implement a schedule so my boys actually get all their reading and assignments done. I hope to be even more into it as I start penmanship practice everyday! Damon's handwriting is illegible and Jaydin just likes to do extra school work. Hopefully Damon can start to slow down and take his time when he writes, in order to avoid redoing his work.

Oh and guess what? Jaydin is advancing in Taekwondo. He started on a level for younger kids and has been doing that for about 5 months. He already knows everything he can learn and is bored so the instructor wants him to move up and test for his Yellow belt this Saturday! He is excited. I know he will do awesome!

Well.. I think I'm rambling so I will end this post! Hope all is well with all of you!

Oxymoron of the week!

Mucinex plus cough.

Expectorant + suppressant...

Thought from a slow mind....

My due date is currently May 29th due to the circle of dates and the go back so many months and add 7 days theory HOWEVER... it's a leap year this year. So I'm wondering if there is anything wrong with me officially changing my due date to the 28th? I mean... the first day of my last period was a Wednesday... so I should be due on a wednesday right?

I know that it's more like my "due month" but... all of my babies are born in May and I have already explained to my midwife that I CANNOT have a June baby.. think of what that would do to my mothers ring! :o) Moving it up one day farther from June boosts my spirits to know that I can go 3 whole days past my due date and still have a May baby. (Oh and FYI.. this is NOT my latest due date! Damon (born on the 16th) was due the 26th and Jaydin (born on the 21st) was due June 3!

Not a lot!

So life has been moving kind of slow... or maybe fast but with nothing exciting to write about. The boys started school again last Thursday so I've been fighting them to get out of bed in the mornings. Next year, I think I will make them start at the late time! I can't imagine having them go at 8 when I have 2 babies at home.... I'm not really a fan of their school.... new schools kind of stink!

I started attending a hypnobabies class last Friday night! It's at the most inconvenient time that it could possibly be for my life right now, but it's very interesting and if I didn't have anything better to do I would be way stoked about going this Friday. (It's my father-in-laws retirement dinner and I'm going to miss it!) I really needed to take it right now though because my midwife has lots of births in February and April and (if I'm lucky) I will have some doula births to attend! Speaking of my fascination with birth. I've posted a new blog and a trailer for an upcoming movie on my birth blog @ www.youridealbirth.blogspot.com .

I am starting to look more pregnant than I usually do! (I always look prego with my stupid gut!) I also feel the little guy moving at least a few times a day. I love when you can feel them move all the time... reminds you how amazing the idea of life giving life really is! I love the design of the female body. I mean it truly is remarkable!

Okay well.. I really haven't said anything of interest but at least I posted something. Hope everything is going good for all of you!

Love Me!

Happy Freakin' New Year!

So it's new years day now I guess... and I feel really cranky. Maybe I would feel better if I had taken a nap today but seriously.. I think I'm mostly annoyed with the fact that I'm annoyed!!!

2007 was a year of change..... in 2008 I hope to settle into a sense of normalcy before everything changes again! My greatest hopes for 2008 are:
To have a beautiful healthy baby boy preceded by a beautiful birth.
To have Darin find his place in a company where there is no insecurity.
To transition well into being a mother of 4.
To figure out what we will be doing for the rest of our lives...... (or at least have a plan!)
For Darin to get his Journeyman license.
To be able to save money instead of scrambling to pay bills!

Happy new year to all and best wishes in 2008!